You know me better than I know myself

I honestly look forward to thanksgiving every year for one reason. It is the time of year for me to see friends and family that I probably haven't seen all year. I love my family don't get me wrong, but sometimes the people you feel most comfortable with become your family. What I am trying to say is best represented in this quote from my new favorite TV show "The New Normal". "Family is who you choose. It's the relatives who are chosen for you."

I have tried to make a big effort to make time for my closest friends every holiday. These friends are the ones who know me the best. I definitely consider these people my family. I made up a word for the girls I coached to change their mentality about the word team. I started calling them Teamily to make them feel more like a family instead of just a team. This same word can be easily changed to Friemily (don't ask me how to pronounce it, it just looks good on paper) I have a little over a handful of friends that I turn to in my times of need. I feel at home with them, we could be anywhere in the world but I will never feel lost while in their presence.

I am also very thankful to see my relatives over thanksgiving. I don't see them but a few times a year so when I do get to see them I cherish my time with them. I have a few young children in my family so its a delight to see how they are growing, physically and emotionally. I love watching those children do something that reminds me of my grandparents, or seeing how much they look like their parents when they were that age. It's so soothing to see those little reminders of the people who are no longer with us. Even though they aren't here with us physically they are always around us in spirit.

Thanksgiving is also a time for reflection. We may not realize it but all we do when we get with great friends and family is reminisce about the past. When I am with my relatives I am always hearing funny stories about my parents from my aunts and uncles. When I am with my friends we are always talking about things in high school and college. It's never boring because of our memories. Those help us remember who we are and where we came from. They ground us and enlighten us. Those stories are what build families. Whether they are our blood or not. Just like the quote says, family is who you choose. Whether it be friends or relatives. Family is Family.

Your time will come...if you wait for it

I have been searching my whole life to figure out what it is that I do best, I have always been good at somethings but I have never really been great at anything. I think I know can say, with confidence, that I have found my calling.

I have always loved to make people happy. I find it so fulfilling just to put a smile on someones face. I get most of this joy from coaching. I have the opportunity to mold young lives into thriving adults. I take deep pride in this. I always knew I wanted to be a coach. That was something I dreamed about as a kid. Most teenagers dream of becoming all-star athletes, doctors or lawyers. I just always knew that I wanted to be a coach in some way, shape, or form. I wanted to give to others what my coaches had given to me. My coaches were vital in my upbringing. They told me to reach for my dreams daily, to never give up when things get tough, and to push through, because no battle is easy, and once the battle is over the reward is so incredible that you will forget about the struggles you went through to reach your destination. I felt compelled to pass these messages onto upcoming volleyball players. Those messages help me get through the day. They make the impossible, possible. There is no obstacle that can stand in my way because of the strong words relayed to me at such an early age. I was blessed to be introduced to a set of amazing girls last year around this time. I had no idea that these girls would mold me as much as I was going to mold them.

There are moments during coaching that can elevate you to a place so high that you might never want to come down. Nothing thrills me more than seeing the girls that I am coaching win a game no one thought they would win. The illumination on their faces could light a million candles. Those moments are the ones I strive for, knowing that our goals have been achieved. Those moments will forever be frozen in my mind.

I also quickly realized in coaching there are lows. It is so heartbreaking to me when a player comes up to me after a tough loss and asks “what could I have done differently” when I know they gave it their all. It’s my job to show them the light when the skies get dark. As much as I want to sulk with them, I know I have to be the one to pick them up and tell them that it’s going to be alright.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is a coach is let go. Some of the girls I am/are coaching will be graduating this year. A few nights ago was their "senior night" and it took all I had not to burst out into tears as soon as I walked through the door. To make matters more sensitive they play for my alma mater. All of the emotions I had during my senior night returned that night. I had no clue how incredibly hard this would be for me so I tried my best to channel my emotions into something productive. So I wrote them all a message straight from my heart. This is what it said…

Your time as a Morehead volleyball player is almost over, so I ask this of you. Remember every accomplishment you had, remember your losses, remember the remarkable wins, and the laughs you shared along the way. You only get ONE senior night and it should be a time of reflection and victory. Always remember where you came from, always stay true to who you are. You are, and will forever be a Panther. You should be proud to wear the red, black, and white one last time. Those colors should run deep through your veins. Your time here will not be forgotten. You made your history now it’s time to pass the torch to the younger generation who will carry on your magnificent legacy.

This night will stay with you for the rest of your life. Tonight it is no longer about wins or losses. It’s about the memories you have made with your past and present teammates. Appreciate every moment, breathe it all in, because this is the last time you will ever wear your colors on your home floor. Make this one count; this is the one that will stand out. You won’t understand it now, but take it from someone who knows. This will be one of your best memories ever made.

It came from my soul. It was my way of trying to interpret what I was feeling during that time. It was just me giving them the same wisdom my coaches gave to me at their age. It feels unbelievably rewarding to pass this knowledge on, and I am overly proud to call myself their coach.

These are the moments that make coaching so rewarding. I know letting them go will be hard but I know the future generations will be counting on me to give them the same advice, knowledge, and motivation that I gave to those seniors.

My time has come. This is who I am. I am a coach.

And everything I had to know I heard it on my radio

I got so overjoyed last night while listening to the radio because for a split second I thought I heard Freddie Mercury. It was a short moment of joy once I realized I was listening to Fun. "Some Nights". Nate Ruess is about the closest thing I have heard to Freddie in a long time. Is he Freddie Mercury, absolutely not, but I can hear Freddie in his voice. Its one of those simple reminders that even though he his gone his influence still runs rampant through the music industry.

I have known about Queen for quite some time but I was always fascinated by Freddie. He just had this presence on stage that no one on this earth could emulate. He was quite the showman but had such a superior voice. He had one of those voices that made you stop and listen. It demanded your attention from the first note to the last. Of course he killed it on all of the power anthems, but what I loved most about his voice was his ability to go from powerful anthem to a beautiful ballad so effortlessly.

I know most of you are thinking, why am I going gaga over this artist/band who was gaining popularity when I wasn't even alive. I am just wanting to allow people to understand that music is timeless especially someone as remarkable as Freddie Mercury and Queen. Their influence is everywhere. Even if artists now a days dont realize it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I really do wished Freddie were still alive today...who knows how amazing music would be...

You raise me up...To more than I can be.

When I was just a little girl I never realized how much my grandparents meant to me. Now that they are no longer with me I ache for the days when I had them around. Their stories are unique and I felt compelled to share them with you.

Ma & Grandaddy
I can remember the days when I used to sit in Ma's lap eating chocolate ice cream watching our favorite movie (Fried Green Tomatoes) Ma was a very religious lady who believed that God had a plan for everyone. She always taught me right from wrong and helped me to believe that I could do anything if I set my mind to it. She was also fiercely protective of me and my family. My Grandaddy was the perfect grandfather. He worked hard and when he came home if my sister and I were there he would always do something to make us smile! He could also make a mean spaghetti sauce (the only meat recipe I will eat) They were taken from me way too soon. What makes their story so unique is how they passed. My Ma fell one day and needed to have surgery on her hip. It wasn't supposed to be life threatening surgery but any surgery for an older person is dangerous. Hers was no exception. She got a staph infection in the hospital after her surgery and it started to take her life. My grandaddy tried to remain strong but his health was failing as well. I believe his heart was breaking because his love was trapped in this uncomfortable place suffering for something that should have never happened. My grandaddy had to be admitted into the hospital as well because his heart was failing (broken heart). The icy grips of winter couldn't snap me back to the reality that I might lose both of my grandparents soon. I was only 8 years old. How was I supposed to process this. I didn't even really understand death or what happened when you died. I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen.

Christmas that year wasn't the same. We used to gather at Ma and Granddaddy's house with my dad's side of the family and open presents under their big Christmas tree. There would be no gathering that year. The only gathering we had was at the hospital at my grandparents beds. It would be any day now for the both of them and once again I didn't understand why. The day after Christmas my Grandaddy passed away. I just remember my father being so upset and I didn't understand why. I didn't understand that when someone passes away they are gone, they are no longer physically with us. Ma always spoke of angels and heaven but I just thought it was some sort of vacation and that you could return from it. I didn't understand that it was forever. Not ten days later after my grandaddy died my Ma died. Just before my Ma died she had lost all ability to speak. She must have known her time was coming soon because just before she died she closed her eyes, squeezed her children's hand's and one single tear rolled down her cheek to reveal a big smile on her face. She was going home to be with her husband. She was telling her kids that they would be alright and that she was fine. Of course all of this was a whirlwind of emotions for everyone in my family. I had really started to understand the finality of death and what it actually meant. I would never be able to sit on her lap again, never be able to hug granddaddy's waist as he was making his spaghetti sauce, never be able to sneak bon bon's out of the back room while Ma wasn't looking. Those memories keep them alive in my soul but they also are reminders of what got taken from me way too soon. What could have been, if I would have turned out differently. I miss them dearly every single day.

Meme
If anyone could pull me out of my rut and help me understand about my Ma and Granddaddy's death it would be my Meme. She was my rock, she taught me everything from tending to her garden or why I shouldn't beat up the little boy down the street because it wasn't "lady like". She became my best friend. She helped me fill the void that was left when I lost my Ma. She was a very elegant lady, who always kept her hair and nails done. I don't think I ever saw her wear anything other than her casual wear. I don't think that woman owned a pair or sweatpants or jeans. It was always slacks and blouses. She also had the neatest glasses. In her circle rims she could change the color to match what she was wearing. I got a huge kick out of this and would always make her let me change out the colors. I would also love to take out her dentures and put them in a glass to clean at night. I know these things were weird but she didn't even bat an eye when I asked her if I could do these things.

My meme would do anything for my cousins and I. She used to always fix us pizza grilled cheese in her grilled cheese maker. After fixing us food, setting our table and giving us our drinks she would always say, "when I get old an gray are you going to wait on me like I am waiting on you?" We used to always say no, but she knew we would. I never knew how true that statement would be in just a few short years.

She would pick us up from school and we would stay at her house until our parents came and got us, even though I never wanted to leave. When I got into middle school I started playing sports and couldn't go to my meme's in the afternoons like I used to. I always wanted her to come watch me play and I never understood why she wouldn't until I was older. Cancer had her in its grasp and was pulling her away from us very slowly. She proceeded on like everything was fine even though she was dying inside she always wore a smile. I hated seeing my Meme sad or hurting so whenever I was around I wouldn't give her the chance to get upset. I always made her laugh, it made me feel so good to say something completely bonkers and to always hear her laugh afterwards.

My mom tried to protect me from what was happening to my Meme but I knew it was bad. Every time the phone rang from my 8th grade year to my Junior year of high school I thought it would be the call saying that she was gone. She stayed strong through it all. She lost her hair but never lost her spirit. I tried to make light of the situation by saying I loved her peach fuzz hair. I remember rubbing her head all the time telling her how beautiful she looked. She still wore slacks and a blouse every single day. She wasn't going to let the big C ruin her routine. She had an up and down fight with cancer for about 8 years, but you would have never known it. Of course, the signs were there but she ignored them. She cooked in her kitchen until cancer wouldn't let her. She wore slacks until cancer wouldn't let her. She changed her glasses colors until cancer wouldn't let her. It took everything from her. Everything she was, was stolen by cancer. She didn't care she kept fighting always saying, I'll get it back, I'll be fine don't you worry about me.

A few weeks before my senior year of high school my volleyball team and I were going to our annual preseason camp at UNC-Greensboro. I had a tough decision to make, Meme's condition was getting worse and they weren't expecting her to last for more than a few days. I knew if I left for camp that when I got home she wouldn't be alive. She told me to go, to never give up on my dreams and she would always be with me. She then said her signature phrase, "Don't you worry about me I will be fine." I went to camp with a heavy heart. As soon as I stepped on the court though I had this power surging through me that I have never had before. It was like she was transferring what little energy she had left into me. The night before our last day at camp something felt wrong. It felt like my world was lopsided. We were about to play a team that we had to beat in order to get into the championship tournament the next day. We fought hard. They won a game and we won a game. It would all come down to the third game to determine who would be moving on to the tournament. Before the start of the third game I walked out on the court and I get a pang in my chest that literally almost knocked me down. I looked over at my setter/best friend Becca and said "She's Gone". It hadn't been confirmed but I knew it was true. We eventually won the game but it was all a blur to me. After the game was over I walked over to where our parents were sitting. I walked past becca's dad and he said I needed to see my parents. My father stopped me in my tracks and said that my Meme had passed away. I lost it. I completely broke down, I fell to my knees crying and screaming WHY. My teammates came and picked me up off the ground and told me that everything was going to be ok and that she was no longer suffering. I lost my best friend that day. But I gained a new one. I met at girl at camp that had just found out her grandmother had cancer the day my grandmother died. It's like my Meme was giving me someone to fill her void to help me understand the way he did when my Ma and Graddaddy died. We have been best friends ever since and I am so thankful for that.

I have missed my Meme everday since. I have a Christmas ornimate hanging in my car that my aunt got me for Christmas the year after her death to remember her by. It's been hanging in my car since the day I got it.

No one can replace her or what she did for me. No one can replace any of my grandparents for that matter. I am who I am today because of them. They made me this positive, funny, loveable person. Their teachings are valuable lessons that I could never replace. I miss you all every single day but I know your watching over me.

Whisper words of wisdom, Let it be

OK, I had to write today because I am utterly disturbed by all these random acts of violence here recently. The massacre in Colorado during the Dark Knight Rises, then the capture of a man carrying multiple weapons to a showing of the Dark Knight Rises and now today a shooting at Texas A&M. I know I am probably leaving some out too, and I honestly hate saying that. The fact that their are more than ONE of these acts disgusts me. I don't know what is spurring all of this violence but it HAS to stop.

Also all of this HATE going around isn't helping matters either. This whole thing with Chic-Fil-A has gotten way out of control. They are a privately owned company free to operate whatever way they feel necessary. If they want to give money to a hate group they have the right to do so. If they want to give money to GLAAD they also have the right to do that as well. Their choices may not be viewed as desirable but if that's what they want to do they are at liberty to do so. I don't think I heard any spokes person for Chic-Fil-A come out and say "We hate the LGBT community and we aren't going to serve them because of this stance" No, people have made their assumptions. My mother always told me that when you assume something you make an ass out of you and me. It was a play on the word "assume" but it spoke volumes to me.

Why do we as humans feel that we need to harm one another. I understand we all have differences but there is no reason for one person to hurt or kill another just because of those differences. Our uniqueness is what makes us so beautiful as a species. Our ability to cope with these horrific acts also reminds us that we are stronger than someone who has given in to their weaknesses, and gone through with these hellacious acts. We have to do everything in our power to stop all of this HATE & VIOLENCE. It's exhausting.

A lyric from one of my favorite Beatles songs sums things up quite well.

"And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be"
The Beatles-Let it Be

I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I can't forget

What a wonderful vacation I had. I spent basically a week at the beach with 8 of my best friends. I know you are totally thinking that spells disaster. Normally having that many friends in the same place at the same time for that long, someones going to lose it. Not with my friends, we had our share of spats of course, but we're too good of friends to let something petty come between us. I needed something like this, I needed this time with them. I didn't realize how much I missed them. We all get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget how much we need each other to recharge. We didn't get to crazy, we didn't have to. We are crazy enough with out any "help". Just being with them was enough for me. I mean a few of these girls I don't get to see but a few times a year because they live so far away. Being able to spend more than a few hours with them was a complete and total blessing.

I am also very thankful for my time away from my job. I needed a break from my daily life just to remember what it felt like to be completely free. I made sure I didn't stress and/or worry about anything during my vacation. I made sure to keep my spirit positive to ensure I would have an excellent time. I did, I wished I had more but I am thankful for what I got. It's always good to get away from the work environment to make you realize how thankful you are to have a job. I know millions of people don't have a job so I am thankful to have a job and one that I can actually stand.

Basically I am so grateful for my time off. It couldn't have come at a better time. Maybe in a later post I will chronicle our adventures.

It's been a while...

Hello all, It's been about a week or so since I have posted a new blog. To my avid readers I do apologize. I was on vacation. I have so many things I would like to write about so I decided that tonight I shall tackle that feat tonight. I just wanted to give you a heads up of all the glorious things to come!

To be continued...

Everybody knows it sucks to grow up

Reality check people, growing up is terrible, horrible, worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. We all do it though so our real reality is to "Grow up and shut up" I miss the days where I could do what I wanted when I wanted. High school was a wonderful time for me. Lots of friends, sports, clubs, you name it I did it. What I didn't realize is how much the "real world" is just like high school. OK so maybe I can't play sports or join any clubs but my friends have remained the same. I like to think I have remained the same. I didn't get the nickname Kidd just because.

What's hard for me to remember is that I am not a kid anymore. I can't play 6 volleyball games in one day like I used to, my body won't let me. I can't stay up and party like I used to, my mind won't let me. I can't be twenty places at one time like I used to, my job won't let me. I know your now asking yourself, why are you being such a Debbie Downer. I am not, I can assure you of that. What I am trying to say is that the past is the past. Our future is what we make it. I can't live in the past every day and hope to have success in my future. I can't look back and say what if? You have to choose to be happy everyday. It was easy when I was younger because I was able to do things that I wanted that made me happy. Now I have to make sure I do the things I loved to keep me happy. Writing, singing, coaching, laughing. Whatever it may be I CHOOSE to be happy everyday.

Growing up will never keep my happiness in the dark. I will forever and always be a POSITIVE POLLY!!

We go for the Gold

Is anyone else excited for the Olympics as much as I am?? I enjoy both the summer and winter Olympics but I have to say the summer Olympics are my favorite. I love watching all these amazing athletes that the world offers up to compete in all kinds of sports. Who knew walking was an Olympic sport? It totally is the 50km walk. I will be training for that next year. This also got me thinking, if walking can be an Olympic sport why not other odd sports. Here are the sports I would like to see in the summer Olympics next go round.

Pool Basketball, OK I grew up playing pool basketball and I got pretty good at it too (or at least I thought I did) basically you have a goal on one end of a shallow end of a pool and basically play half court basketball. Fouls are impossible to call because you cant really see whats going on under the water (who cares it makes it more interesting) dunking is also pretty much unachievable as well (getting out of the pool is out of bounds so can't get out an do an ally-oop) There would obviously have to be more specific rules but I think it would be uber entertaining!

Cornhole, lets be honest here people we have all played it (with or without alcohol involved) and I am sure at one point we all believed we were the best at it. It's also a very summery sport so why not? It's already got its rules and regulations so it wouldn't be as complicated as pool basketball which has basically made up rules. It can also get really intense. I know from the games I have watched while pool side have gotten fierce (and sweaty). Either way I watched with astonishment with how close and furious the games got. I think we all agree it would be a great addition to the summer Olympics.

Darts, being an avid darter myself I would love to see this become an Olympic sport. There are many ways to play darts but I think the two ways it should be showcased in the Olympics are cricket and 501. I would explain the rules of each but it would be way too much typing so just click here. I know if darts were to become an Olympic sport I would train my ass off to play for good ole' team USA. If shooting is a sport in the Olympics then darting should be as well.

These are just some of the sports I would like to see in future Olympics. Believe me when I tell you I have more ideas for other sports but they are so incomprehensible and outrageous that the Olympic committee would probably have me committed to an insane asylum. Either way these sports should be included because they are entertaining and super fun.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere!

OK so my vacation is steadily approaching and I, of course like every other human being, can't EFFING wait for it to get here. My vaca is chock full of delicious adventures. To start I will be having a 5 day beach trip with my Hangmaids at the beaches of myrtle (Myrtle Beach for those of you who don't live in NC or SC) I expect things to get rambunctious. After that I have a few lazy days to myself with a cookout possibly int here somewhere followed by a HUGE yard sale on Saturday. Yea I know a yard sale isn't how some of you would spend your vacation but if you wanted/needed cash like I did you would be having one too.

What I really wanted this to be about is the amount of vacations we the "working force" folks get. It's not nearly enough. I think its irresponsible of businesses today to not allow us to operate like the school systems do. If the kids don't have school we shouldn't have to go to work. It's only fair really. Why should I have to scrap and forage my "earned" time just to squeak out a measly one week vacation when school children get like 5 freaking months away from school? This is one of the reasons why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place. I wanted those 3 months in the summer and basically a whole month off for Christmas. Lets face it, Christmas can be overwhelming and getting a month off for it makes up for its pressure. I of course would not do well as a school teacher due to my comedic background (you can't make fun of your students) and my quickness to resort to tears when things get...egregious.

Listen I am not trying to down the system (I guess you could call it that) I just would like to be able to have like a month off from work and be able to take that time without any back lash from HR. It's not too much to ask for is it? Just give me my extra vacation and I promise you I won't complain as much. It's a morale booster people. Who doesn't love vacations? (if you don't then you most certainly aren't human)

I just wanna be...Happy

I have always considered myself a "positive Polly" so all this negativity here recently has tried to drain my positiveness. Nothing makes me happier than achieving a dream. I got the opportunity last October to capture a dream with my best friend. I got to coach my old high school volleyball team's AAU program. I love volleyball and have loved volleyball ever since I started playing in middle school until it got ripped away from me in college. I have always thought I would be a better coach than player because of the way I saw the game unfold. I never knew how fulfilling coaching would actually be.

I coached two teams this season and made real connections with a group of teenagers. I know what your thinking, teenagers? but their so...unrefined? Well no, they aren't. At least the ones I coached aren't. They were the most mature bunch of girls I have ever met to be honest. Battle tested, parent approved! They weren't your typical "I don't care about anything but myself" teenagers. They actually cared about each other and even more about their sport. It reminded me of how my old high school team acted. (refer to previous blogs to see how amazing my high school team was) I would say the word that would best describe these girls would be Determined. They all wanted to perfect their craft, constantly picking our brains on how we would have done it, how should they tweak what they were currently doing, and how to win and win at a consistent level. I have never seen a more driven team.

We didn't win every game this season, we didn't have to. They won within themselves. They all accomplished things that, coming into this season they probably didn't believe they would. If I had to give out awards at the end of the season they would have all gotten "most improved". We had some great wins and some painful losses. We made sure that after every game they knew their abilities didn't go unnoticed. As long as they played with 100% heart and determination that was all we could ask for. They did, they played every single game like it was their last. I never knew how proud I would be of a group of teenagers.

I'd be lying to you if I said these girls didn't change my life. They did, they absolutely did. Up until I started coaching them I wanted nothing to do with volleyball. I had a horrible experience in college while playing for my collegiate team. That incident made me HATE volleyball, it destroyed my confidence and took away my drive. It was a player/coach "misunderstanding" as my coach would have put it. I consider it a life altering moment, and not the good kind. I ended up quitting because of it. The day I quit I told myself that's it, no more, no more playing, and no to coaching. After I graduated from college my mom was trying to help me figure out what to do with my life. She asked me why I didn't coach within my old AAU organization. I told her no way no how. I just knew it would bring back bad memories. After a few years of her asking me I finally gave in and coached. I am so glad I did. These girls brought a dream I had given up on back to life. They gave me something that I was completely sure that I didn't want anymore. They brought back my passion for volleyball. They inspired me. They still inspire me. They will always inspire me.

To my girls, Thank you, You all are amazing and I hope you all inspire others the way you inspired me. I can't wait to coach you all again this year!

To my best friend/asst/head coach, Jess, Thank you for pushing me just as hard as the girls did. I couldn't have done it without you. Your support and effort was super amazeballs!

No one ever said it would be this hard

I come from a small town, born and raised in Eden NC. It has its positives and negatives of course but what I have always loved about my small town is how the community embraces a family during a loss. Over the weekend we had a tragedy that no town should have to cope with. Losing two young adults/sisters to a horrific car accident. Seeing someone go so young reminds us all that our time on this earth is way too short and that everyday needs to be cherished. Tell the ones you love that you love them everyday because you never know when its going to be your last.


In moments of darkness it is the light that brings our hearts back to life. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things for anyone to endure, but what we have to focus on is that even though our loved one may no longer physically be with us, they still live on through us. Their light is transferred from their body to the ones that they love. Deep in our souls we feel this connection, this bond that will forever link us to them. We may not be able to see their face every day but knowing they are with us will help us realize that we never really lost them. So in times of darkness remember to let your light shine, not only for you but for the ones who are no longer with us. By letting your light shine brightly it tells the ones who are no longer with us that you are doing just fine and that a piece of them now lives inside of you.


Our hearts will mend over time, but their memory will never be repressed. I know people are asking themselves, Why them? Why did they have to go so young? They had their whole lives a head of them why now? No one can know for certain. What we need to do now is remember the good times, the times they made us smile, inspired us, enlightened us. I did not know these girls as well as others did, but I do know they were wonderful people. I can tell you that by the amount of love I have seen from the ones who knew them well. I know this will make our community stronger, I just wished a loss like this wasn't the cause.

Don't take any day you have on this earth for granted, because you never know if it will be your last...


Rest In Peace Taylor and Meredith
Gone, but NEVER forgotten.

Like a Boss

I should have included another person in my "I get by with a little help from my friends" post but I felt compelled to give this person their own post. My former boss Melissa is part of the reason why I am aspiring to be who I am today. I guess I should break down our story a little for you to understand just how important she is to me.

I got my first real job offer 6 months after I graduated from college and was beyond nervous. I was offered a position at a local credit union in the area and went in on my first day really confident (or I thought it was confidence) I marched right in and right up to the member service desk and said "I am here to see Michelle." I immediately knew I had done something wrong. If you notice in the paragraph above her name is clearly Melissa. She walked right out to greet me and said "Hey I am Melissa and if were going to be working together I am going to need you to get my name right." First impressions are important but having a sense of humor about screwing up those first impressions is what matters. From that day forth I worked as hard as I could for her. I learned everything I could as quickly as possible from her. She had been with the credit union 10+ years and was full of knowledge so why not? Throughout this process we developed a strong friendship (twilight and the hunger games helped) I gained a trust and understanding with her like I have never had with anyone. Not only was she a great friend but an even more amazing mentor. If I had a problem, I went to her for help. If I had issues at home, she helped me through them. Basically she was my saving grace for my first two years at this credit union.

January of this year she dropped a bomb on me, she had been hinting for a while that she was thinking about moving to the beach. Like usual I just shrugged it off, we always talked about moving and doing these awesome things but never followed through. I just figured this was one of those moments. Before the month was over it was official that she was going to be relocated to a branch on the Outer Banks and was moving as soon as possible. This broke my heart, I knew I had to support her decision and I did but that didn't mean I wasn't crushed. I was losing a great boss, but more importantly I was losing a best friend. Two days before she was supposed to leave my father was having knee replacement surgery. I was torn between staying with my friend who was leaving in two days or my father who was having surgery. There was no way I could miss being with my father but I was literally torn apart about it. I spent that whole morning in tears because I wouldn't be able to spend one of the last days with Melissa.

It hit me harder than I was expecting. How am I supposed to send this person off who basically gave me a job, showed me how to be great at it, all while being an incredible friend and leader to me? It wasn't easy I promise you that. I never cried in front of her because I didn't want her to get upset. She was starting a new chapter in her life, stepping out of her comfort zone into somewhere totally new. I couldn't let her see my pain because I didn't want her to worry when she already had enough on her plate. I graciously said said my goodbyes, gave her a huge hug then watched her walk away.

What I didn't realize is how different I would be after she left. It's like her whole "work attitude" rubbed off on me. I had this new sense of purpose to everything I did at my job. I work as hard as she would. I problem solved as best as she could. I find myself everyday doing something that she taught me how to do. Her influence on me has made me a greater employee and a better person. I thank her for all of her dedication, hardwork and effort she put into me because I know without it I probably would have quit. I know these are just mere words on a page. They dont nearly do our relationship justice but our story needed to be shared.

This is for you Demko, you have no idea the impact you have had on my life. I love you like a sister. I of course would love it if you came home but that beach life is hard to leave. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me and I can't wait for New Moon this novemeber! Love you!

I ball so hard...Are you ready for some Football?

Listen, I am not your typical southern girl. I am a full fledged sports fanatic. My favorite channel on TV is ESPN seriously that isn't a joke. You can ask me just about any sports question and I am pretty sure I can answer it. I have my favorite teams of course (Duke Basketball, Carolina Panthers, Miami Heat, Boston Red Sox) but just because I have favorites doesn't mean I don't like all sports. I love being able to hear men having "water cooler talk" about the games they watched the night before and then I come in adding my insight. I know they look at me like I am cray cray but I know what the F I am talking about. Once they realize that they definitely look at me differently. I have some of them even asking me my opinions on who I think will win, score the most, etc. If you need more proof just ask any of the guys I play fantasy football with. They don't enjoy losing to the ONLY girl in their league.

A great example of my love affair with sports is every Thanksgiving my family gathers at my parents house for a big turkey lunch and we don't have a room big enough for the whole family to sit in so the women in my family sit in the formal dining room and the men all sit in front of my dads prized possession (his 50 LCD) and watch football. Well of course I sit with the men and spit out random facts about receivers and quarterback duos and how many batted balls vs. interceptions the DB's have. It's priceless to me but confusing to others.

I always knew growing up that I would have this desire to play and watch sports. I played 3 sports in high school and played volleyball in college. I do believe that if my high school would have had a girls football team I would have been captain all 4 years. I know I had an opportunity to play with the boys but our team was so terrible I didn't want to. (sorry guys but you were) I mean its pretty bad when our school is advertising our volleyball matches over our football games. (I was 32-0 my junior and senior seasons so that should tell you our volleyball team was pretty damn good) I won 2 conference championships and banners hanging up in my old high schools gym for bragging rights. I am also a proud member of the Undefeated Club at Morehead High School. The closest I ever got to playing football was playing Powder Puff but that wasn't enough to fuel my need for all things football.

The best day of my life was when my father told me he was getting season tickets for the Carolina Panthers. I almost died in pure jubilation. I can honestly say I have been to at least one game every season that the panthers have been in existence and I patiently wait for every season with the same amount of joy I have had since 1995 (I was 9 then...I am now 25). I was there when Steve Burline and  Tim Biakabutuka took us to the playoffs in 96 when we beat America's Team. I watched in nervousness when we went to our first Super Bowl vs. the Patriots in 03' (we lost of course) I was also there through the awful years, (Rae Carruth, Jake Delhomme, etc) Through all the good and bad I am still to this day a HUGE fan.

The second greatest day of my life was when the Panthers drafted Cameron Jerrell Newton number 1 overall last season. I normally know who the Panthers are going to draft weeks before. So with us having the number one pick I just couldn't understand why we wouldn't draft him. I mean lets be honest Jimmy Clausen was a complete bust. I knew it as soon as we drafted him (hello just look at how successful Notre Dame QB's have been...Brady Quinn 'nuff said) Yea so what he didn't have a good team around him, neither did Cam! He had a terrible defense last year and still managed to win 6 games (he would have won more if it weren't for the defense) I remember on Christmas day my father told me he had bought something special for me, each year he tries to surprise me with gifts that could make me, and only me happy (one year he got me Rain-X wiper blades and I was elated...not kidding either). So he saved this present for last. I opened it and what I saw gave me so much joy that I am surprised I didn't die and go to heaven. It was a picture of Cam running out of the Panthers tunnel with smoke all around him and all I could see was the back of his jersey with his finger pointed down displaying the # 1. I had to force back the tears that were about to start steadily flowing from my eyes. Dad if you read this you hit a home run seriously. BEST. CHRISTMAS. PRESENT. EVER. (its currently hanging up in my home office right beside the front door, I stare at it every morning before I go to work)

My other huge passion would have to be my Duke Blue Devils. I will tell you though I did not start out as a Duke fan. I was a Carolina fan from day one, my best friend Becca was as well and we decided that we were going to go to a basketball camp that some of our favorite Carolina players were going to be at. Our most favorite and current team hottie at the time was Dante Calabria. We got so pumped up to meet him and quickly found out which day he was going to be at the camp and of course it was the last day. We waited all week for Friday, we met some other non-important players (well non-important to us) and finally Friday arrived. That morning before we got started the camp director announced that Dante wouldn't be able to make it but Ademola Okulaja would. He was a good player at the time and I totally wanted his autograph but he was no Dante. I was filled with rage and I wanted to do something basically to get back at Carolina for cheating me out of an opportunity to meet my favorite player at the time. So I did what any reasonable Carolina fan would do, I switched over to the "dark side" From that point forward I was a Duke Blue Devil all because Dante Calabria broke my heart. It was also probably the happiest day of my dad's life, other than me graduating high school and college. I loved every Duke team from that day forward all except for one player. Chris Collins, he's a cry baby, that is all I want to say about it. I like him now as a coach but not as a player from Duke. I watched when they won the national championship in 01' with Shane Battier and Carlos Boozer, I watched again as they won it again in 2010 with 2 of the Plumlee's and Kyle Singler. Coach K is a legend and I was present at the game where he passed Dean Smith for all time wins. (third greatest day of my life) I guess you won't believe me when I tell you that I have never been to a Duke game in the historic Cameron Indoor Stadium, but I haven't. That's of course on my bucket list and I know I will get there its just a matter of time. Either way I will bleed Duke Blue until I die.

So there you have it, my background into my favorite sports teams. Feel free to ask me any sports question you have. I will more than likely have the answer for it. Come at me bro!

I get by with a little help from my friends

I am absolutely certain that I wouldn't be here without my magical ladies. I have no hesitation when I say these astonishing people saved my life. So beware this entry is probably going to get a little wordy...

Jessica-Our story is unique and if you know our story you know how much we  really mean to each other. We met "officially" for the first time at UNCG Volleyball Camp the summer of '03. It was my senior year and my year to rule the court and no high school rival would stand in my way. Rockingham County Cougars were not only our biggest competition in our conference but they were our most HATED rival. If you were a Panther you hated all things Cougar but the day Jessica and I became friends changed all that. The day we met I had learned that my grandmother had just passed away from cancer and that exact same day Jess found out her grandmother had just gotten cancer. The night after learning about my grandmothers death the only person I really wanted to talk to was her. I barely even knew her but I felt like she would know exactly what I was going through. I went home from camp that year having a new respect for Rockingham and of course my new friend. Ever since that day we have been inseparable. If I were to write about all the things we have been through together it would span 100,000 pages. So basically just know she is and will forever be my best friend. 

Meredith-I met Meredith in the 7th grade and was completely TERRIFIED of her. She was one of the best athletes I had ever seen and was tough as nails. She rolled her ankle during basketball season that year and went right back out and played like it was no big deal. I always wanted to be friends with her because of how amazing of an athlete she was but little did I know she would be such an inspiring friend. I owe my whole high school career to Meredith. She watched over me like a hawk. No one messed with me because they knew if they did she would kick their ass for me. We did almost everything together. She picked me up from school and most days would take me home. (I didn't get my license till my junior year, perks of having a late birthday) She made me want to be a better person, athlete and friend because of how well she treated me and everyone else. I was honored when she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I one day know she will be in mine. Even though she lives 4 hours away from me now we are still the best of friends. We were/are teammates, friends, and sisters. #OutlawsForLife

Hannah-We have been through EVERYTHING together and yes that includes being shot at (not a joke). Hannah has been with me everyday since we were old enough to walk and I wouldn't change anything. We basically had every class in high school together and she was of course my cheat buddy (even though neither one of us knew the answers we still cheated off each other). Together we have conquered loss, heartbreak, many nights we can't remember, gunshots, car accidents and winning. (I know that last one, how charlie sheen of me) I was also a bridesmaid in her wedding and we coined the phrase #Hangmaids because we party like the hangover (the movie) and have awkward fun like bridesmaids (the movie). Combine those two movies together and you get Hangmaids (I know you're welcome for that genius, feel free to steal it) I'd be completely lost without Hannah and her whole family. I am just as close to her two sisters (Glenn and Sarah) as I am her. Her father (Jerry, Ellis, E, Big E) was my softball coach and basically my second father. She is one of the few friends who has stuck by me since day one and I know that will never change.

Glenn-Hannah's middle sister. Her real name is Stephanie but I have always called her Glenn (her middle name) because that's what her father used to scream at her during our softball games. She has been like the little sister I have never had. She has always got her shit together and is always busy (I like to call it hustling but she isn't a drug dealer) She has always been around because of Hannah but we have just recently gotten close and I am so glad that we did. She laughs at all of my jokes and is always ready to party. She's just one of those people who is just always in a good mood. She's very fun to be around and if your in a bad mood she will put you in a good one.  

Traci-Life changer, that's probably the best way for me to describe her. She has given me guidance through some of my most difficult times. She also knows how to have a lot of fun. I made her sign a contract a few months ago basically saying that we would see each other every week. She hasn't let me down yet. We also have a singing group together called Black Diamonds (I am not kidding, we are both amazing singers) She is also my hair dresser and is always keeping me fresh to death (don't hate) I have never questioned her judgement except for one time when I made her dye my whole head platinum blond (huge mistake) she tried to talk me out of it like a good friend should but I didn't listen (I will from now on believe me) I love her like a sister and I know the feeling is mutual. She surprises me with her ability to make me laugh when I am least expecting it. I am so glad I have found someone who loves and respects me unequivocally.

Elyce-We are so mean to each other that if people were to just hear us talking they would think we hated each other. We are actually quite the best of friends and she is getting just about as funny as I am (You aren't at my level yet so don't get a big head after that comment) We swear like sailors and sometimes even make up unparalleled cuss combos. We have been through a lot together as well but the majority of our times are nothing but insults and rudeness. I guess I could call Elyce my "Chesty Bestie" take one look at her and you will understand why. That is all (I've said enough about you and my hands are hurting from all the typing)

Jordan-We surprisingly were not friends in our high school years but I sure wished we would have been. Jordan is one of those people where you never know what is going to come out of her mouth. Sometimes things she say don't make a lick of sense but they are always humorous. She is very straight forward in a round about way. I know that probably makes no sense to you but well here I will just give you an example when I ask Jordan if she wants to come to a party this weekend and she responds with "we'll see" I know that the answer is no. She speaks in code I guess is a better way to explain it. She is also not shy at all. One of my fondest memories of her is while at the movies with our whole senior class there she pulled down her pants and mooned everyone. Those are just some of the many reasons why I love her crazy ass.

Becca-One of my earliest friends. We have literally done everything together. I mean that literally. I don't have a memory of my childhood without her being in it. Our parents were sports fanatics and of course made us play every sport available for little girls. I would say our only difference is that she is a Tar Heel and I am a Blue Devil (if you know the rivalry you know that's a big deal) Each year when they match up I know I will hear from her regardless of who wins. That's the way its always been, but we can't watch it together because that's too much. What I think is so funny is that we went to every level of school together (yes that includes college) and we played on every team together. We even played in college. She was my setter and I was her outside hitter (volleyball) I wouldn't change any of it. We don't see each other as much as we used to because she has taken her talents to Charlotte NC (Lebron reference, I know I am sorry I am sports nut you will find out in later posts) but I know no matter what she will be a friend for life.

Last but certainly not least!

Lauren-We have been through the worst of times and the best of times together. I have seen her at her lowest only to rebound quickly back to her best. We seriously are the same person but different paths. We even were missing the same two teeth! We are like magnets for each other, no matter how bad things have gotten between us we always find our way back to each other. Every time we fought a little piece of me died, because I felt like at certain points I had completely lost her due to bad boyfriends or bad life choices. We have grown up now and matured to where we have this amazing respect and connection with each other. Just because we have matured doesn't mean we don't act like little school girls when we get around each other. We can quote movies, rap and make up catch phrases with the best of them. We also are masters at the 10 second hug. If you don't know about it google it. If there is one thing I hate it's that we can't see each other very often because she moved away. She moved away to start over and it benefited her more than she knows. I am so proud that she got out of a terrible situation and is now on the pursuit of happiness. #ShakeAndBake #FistPoundIntoExplosion

I am forever grateful for these fabulous people and I wouldn't change any of our memories. I hope they know they mean a lot to me for me to write paragraphs about them each. We all know short paragraphs are the way to the soul (or something like that)

I love you all...more than you know

The only exception

I would love to be able to tell you all that you will one day fall in love, I cant say for certain that, that is possible because I am not a mind reader or a psychic. What I do know is that when/if you find that special someone to fall in love with, hold on to them. It's an amazing feeling being in love, it warms your body, ignites your heart, and fills your soul with complete and utter happiness. I have found that true love will and can withstand all, it can heal a wound but it can also cut you to the core. Don't be afraid of love because it isn't something to be scared of. It is something to be cherished, appreciated and preserved.

Being in a relationship is of course about give and take. Give as much love as you can give and take in the adoration that you receive. Finding this unique balance will ensure that you will have a long lasting relationship. It is finding this balance that makes things tricky. It takes years of this give and take process to figure out what works best for you and your relationship.

Be devoted, to really truly have someones heart you they have to be able to trust you. You have to show them that you are in this for the long haul. Now I don't mean go out and buy that person a wedding ring, what I mean is, show that person that you love that you are dedicated to that relationship. It could be a public or private display but it needs to be shown.

Last but certainly not least is...COMMUNICATE...I have learned here recently that you need to air our your grievances. It is better to be honest about your problems rather than hide them and let them boil over at a later date. Honesty is the best policy people and if you don't believe me try it out for yourself but I can guarantee you that you will agree with me. Think of it this way...if you are up front and honest there wont be an argument, if you aren't then expect a long, drawn out argument headed your way.

Good luck in finding your "only exception"

4578

Allow me to introduce myself...

I want to write I always have...It seems irresponsible on my behalf that I haven't chased this dream until now...I have realized here recently that life is too short not to pursue your dreams...we all have dreams and if you never act on these dreams that's what they will always be...dreams...So here it goes, I will give you my daily dose of what it feels like to be inside my head all while on my pursuit of a goal...I will be living a dream for you to criticize and appreciate...to be continued